Do you ever just feel exhausted with your journey? Like, its got to be about time for something to go your way, right?! I totally feel you- this has been the definition of my life for years.
It is no secret that Mr. Franks and I have been trying to start a family. And by trying- I mean it has basically been my part time job, a 3+ year journey filled with confusion, tears, medications, more tears, needles and blood work, even more tears, specialists and finally culminating to answers and surgery. The past week has definitely been a trial for myself and Jeremy as we underwent round 1 of medicated IUI and let me tell you, the days leading up to it were filled with nothing but disappointment and hurt. However, miraculously things worked out even when the outcome seemed bleak.
I have to keep reminding myself that there is a plan, God loves me and even though life sometimes down right sucks, out of this hurt, frustration and tiredness can emerge something beautiful.
For me, an outlet that always makes me feel better (other thank exercise and wine- wow two contradicting things) is painting. Everyone right now is talking about, “self care.” Apparently, my makeup and facial products need to be natural, I need to make a Target run, or the latest mask that makes me look like a panda will make me feel better. Hey, I am no one to judge but in my case- pampering does NOT help. Hey- it’s about doing something for YOU and covering myself with paint and doing a song and dance while I block out the world is my bad day remedy.
In the case of “Horizon,” I began thinking this would be an abstract landscape with a winding road – a winding road signifying this crap of a journey thus far that HAS to take us somewhere wonderful. It was with one mistake of a brush that everything changed and for the better- trust me, my negative self talk was telling me the road looked like crap anyway (something else I am working on- being kind to myself )! Bottom line, we all fall on hard and disappointing times. At a certain point, we all have to embrace the journey and the aspects that are out of our control.
Just some thoughts on my week and self-awareness.